prabāt

Whats up... The Paper!!
Whats on my ears... kaahe ujadi mori neend
Whats on my mind... Agent, Pollination, hidden-markov, ant colony optimization (no, not biology)
Whats on my computer... word, winamp, IE (9 of them!)
Whats on my IE... IEEE, Agents, blogs
Whats on my desk... a cuppa Nestle
Whats bugging me... coming to work this weekend (anybody else coming?)

Whats my philosophy... when at work, the number of IEs open at any point in time is directly proportional to the amount of work being done.

Are they same? There certainly is a vast difference. And this is the way I understand it.

Religiousness will be used to mean adherence to the beliefs and practices of an organized society or a religious institution. Hinduism, Christianity et.al. are such institutions. And a strong following of the philosophy and practices as laid down in the respective scriptures would constitute religiousness. On the other hand, spirituality refers to a distinct, personally meaningful experience letting a person work towards a purpose that renders more meaning to his living. Although spirituality may include certain forms of religiousness, it does not necessarily involve religiousness.

Religiousness is about a stress on sticking to religious scripts and ancestral beliefs that run high to this day. The elders among various religious circles are generally too particular in keeping up all those rituals that have been flowing through the traditions. The theory of religiousness believes in the scripts being the compass showing the direction to happiness and laying down the norms of living.

Spirituality is about adopting some of such norms but extrapolating them based on personal experiences and rational notions and eventually forming a new set of principles that form the norms and directions to better living for that individual. That’s why we find those comments in the previous post about spirituality being a relative term and subject to different interpretations based on individual perceptions. Spirituality is more subjective, while religiousness is more objective in nature.

I feel, at times religiousness tends to make some people have a blind faith that makes them go far overboard in their attempts to hold on to their scripts. There is a saying ‘The fear of Lord is the beginning of wisdom’. This is classic religion. And I totally disagree with this. There is no reason why I should be ‘afraid’ of Lord. Purity of thought and deed must arise not out of fear but out of a genuine understanding of the facets. To me, spirituality seems to bring an outlook of increased tolerance and impartial compassion – two of the vital qualities of living.

To hammer the nail, I would say,

Religiousness: God, help me get through this thing successfully, I’ll come to your temple on foot and break 108 coconuts.
Spirituality: God, help me remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together can’t handle.

Any other interpretations?

What did you think of that title? Did you give out a sarcastic chuckle? Or you felt it too relevant?

During an evening of the past weekend I accompanied my mom to a Bhagavad Gita discourse. It was very good. Liked it. But there was something more than the talk that I particularly liked. The audience!

I had been to quite a few such talks with my mom and dad during the days we were residing in Chennai (good old days, Sigh!). They did attract large audiences, but on whatever I could remember from those days, this audience was unique. There were so many youngsters attending it! Add to that, a lot of young couples!! I’m sure they had many more exciting ways to spend the weekend evening rather than soak themselves with philosophical deliberations. But this also seemed as exciting a proposition!!

Nothing as much is lost with youngsters as some people may say. Rather I would say the present generation is only growing more tolerant and more knowledgeable. A real understanding towards appreciating conflicting ideas has risen. There are exceptions as there are everywhere, but the general line of trend in such aspects of the youth is only moving one direction – up!

They are not fashion engines who do not understand the value of money. They understand the need for spirituality as much as they understand the need for money. Spiritual workshops like ‘Art of living’ and the likes are brimming with youngsters. The discourse I attended was another standing example.

So, the next time your grandpa tells you ‘Gone are those days when we were such disciplined youngsters’ as though we have landed on this earth each taking a horse from the four men of the apocalypse, then do remember to chuckle ‘That’s what you think dear grandpa’.

Take rest! The world is certainly in safe hands!

There is some African saying – ‘No matter how long the log remains in the river, it doesn’t become a crocodile’.

A gentle wind sweeps past me
and sings into my ears
tales of the kind time
of those joyful years
of you and me.

of tender strokes to my cheek
waking me every morning

of your breath over my wound
healing me for the moment

of the tight hugs
bringing sleep to my sullen eyes

of kisses to my forehead
blessing me away to school

of the tata through the window pane
rendering my eyes moist
unable to let go of your warmth

of your grasping my tiny hand
walking down the lanes with you

of your bent knees
that I slept over
my head resting safe over

of my innocent smile
every time I called u appa

of the day I thought
I would once be your height
to talk all that you talk
to do all that you do
to be the man that you are
just as you are.
And little did I think
that day was never meant to be

My eyes have bloated
with dried out tears
of unposken words
still speaking aloud
Buried memories
still alive, and still guiding.
Miss you dad.

A gentle wind sweeps past me
and sings into my ears
tales of the kind time
of those joyful years
of you and me.


My dad would have turned 55 today.

Tomorrow is a holiday. A long weekend in the offing. My health is improving, but the incessant cough is puncturing my lungs. Hope to get back to my usual energy levels by Monday. Need some good sound sleep. And I plan to do it all through the weekend. May be a bit of watching TV and reading some book. All my chums are going to their native for the weekend. Greg Illes’ The Footprints of God was good. So, will be eyeing for some Illes’ book to give me company. That would mean, dragging my lazy bones all the way to Koramangala, that’s where the library is.

And I hereby retreat into my shell for the weekend. See ya..

Have a nice weekend!!

AP told me once, “It started off like just another calm good day. And suddenly I flare up at him for no reason!”

If you are a woman and if you are married, then you already might have guessed what AP was telling me about. If you are a man and if you are married, you are probably wondering why all women are like that. But what is this single young gentleman trying to do, attempting to write something he is unlikely to know much about. Well, it doesn’t require you to jump from atop the light-house to know you would break your limbs.

AP went on to say how her husband remains so cool despite all the rubbish she poured over him. Courtesy PMS. And I’ve seen myself how my mom struggled to cope with her menopausal distresses.

Now, am I a bad boy if I talk all this? Am I? Living is not just about understanding the likes and dislikes of your woman. But in understanding certain more intricate things, that directly impact our lives. Woman is a fascinating creation of God. Not just another living creature, but a bag of emotional and biological complexities, bundled meticulously into a startling weave of life. But, it is this very fascination that often results in a point of contention.

Think of the guys, who begin to wonder what happened to the kind cute girl of theirs that suddenly, one fine morning, makes her behave in ways she never was. And as suddenly as she did that, next morning, she begins to become her usual self again. Oh! These fickle women! They are always like this! A good alibi to hide your ignorance is to blame the victim.

It should be in the man to understand certain intricate things that a woman undergoes and give her side in times of need rather than beginning all the trash talking of ‘women’ being that way. And it certainly is not dirty to talk this! If you think, its not in the noble ancient Indian culture to talk out such things, then cut the crap! Indian culture is probably the most misunderstood term in the world. Often crucifying ourselves with a dire lack of proper understanding about our own culture.

Frankness and openness in such things only improves the understanding between men and women. What else do you hope for in a relationship? There is nothing to feel shy about it. These days, AP tells me, she marks the days in red in her calendar. And then, gears herself up to face the adventure. As for her husband, he knows what all the red markings in the calendar are all about! And he too gears up to face the adventure!!

And they lived happily ever after!

A conversation from Million Dollar Baby.

Frankie: Stop that!
Maggie: Why? What did I do wrong?
Frankie: You did two things wrong. One, you asked a question. Two, you asked another question.

Million Dollar Baby was beautiful. Somehow, I didn’t want Maggie to die. But then, if she had lived, the movie wouldn’t have got the Oscar. What do you feel?

I had been to Hyderabad before. In 1991. As a 11 year old kiddie on his summer vacation. But the Charminar I saw on Saturday was nothing like I could recollect!

Saturday 9.30am. I walked out of the hotel and took an auto to IMax. 20 minutes later I was looking at the scrolling movie names and my choice was instant. Million Dollar Baby. Show time 1.45pm. Still long time to go. Came out, took an auto and made my way to Charminar, all the while peeping through either side of the auto not to miss any piece of monument that could attract a nomadic tourist that I was at the moment. As though searching for my lost girl friend in an unknown city. 40 minutes later I was having Veg Biryani in a hotel adjacent to Charminar and as my hand and mouth went busy, so did my eyes admiring the scrambled beauty of the medieval culture. I didn’t know what actually I was admiring, nevertheless I kept admiring something.

I went into a Darga next to it which seemd to be host to tombs of the Nizam family. I took a step in, only to realize I had to remove my shoes off. It was sticky hot outside, but the floor felt chill. It was no AC. It didn’t need one. And I was greeted by some 200 pigeons flocking all around. What a sight!

I went into Charminar and up the spiral staircases for an aerial view of the city. Felt the need of a digicam (I still don’t own one). It was h-o-t. When I came down I had a gulp of sugarcane juice and started to IMax for Million Dollar Baby. But not before I helped myself to a Veg grilled sandwich and a coke. And a mango slush and corn. And popcorn and coffee during the interval. The movie was good. Liked it. Reached my room late in the evening. It was raining!! Much to my relief!!

Come Sunday. The match was reason enough not to move out. The result was a disaster though.

The sessions at office went on well both on Friday and today. Hope I didn't put my audience to sleep. I’m 4 hours from starting my return journey. And thanks to the evening rains, it was a good weekend and a pleasant stay in Hyderabad. (Happy Neels? ::wide smile::)

And ya, my sore throat is fine now. But I’ve got fever.

Reached Hyderabad this morning and managed to find the hotel without trouble. I commented in J’s blog in the afternoon that Hyd is very hot, but right now (its around 5.50pm IST) its overcast!

Things were quite set while I reached office to begin my session this morning. But all seemed spoilt. I've got a badly sore throat. And every line I speak seems to be ripping my trachea apart. The sad part is, I spoke for all day until a few minutes ago and need to do that all over on Monday too! I’m sounding worse than George Bush talking through his microphone from Air Force One caught in a tornado.

But not everything was spoilt. The morning coffee break saw me smile introspectively for a few pleasant moments. I was walking to the pantry and waited for my turn to get a cuppa coffee, and here was a person attending my session, S, who had just got hers. As she turned and saw me standing, she gave her cuppa to me 'take this Kishore, I'll get another' and a smile. The smile was so genuine! The gesture was far more soothing for my sore throat than the coffee I drank!

Just wondering how big a difference such teeny-weeny things make to someone. Here’s a guy who is struggling to keep up his voice with a pathetic throat and here’s someone you have hardly known for a few hours whose little gesture of care goes a long way to raise your spirits. We walked, with the coffee in my hand, back into the hall having a little chat about a technical point I had made earlier. But my mind was still at the pantry, introspecting my moment of truth.

Have I ever shown such a gesture to anyone? Have I ever made someone I hardly know feel good about himself when something wasn’t going good for him? Has some stranger who would never ever meet me again ever felt a sense of gratitude for something I did?

But if I had been telling myself I’m doing a favor to someone while I am doing it, then would that be a genuine favor at all? May be, a genuine gesture is all about an act of care rendered oblivious of the person realizing that you are doing a favor to him or returning the gratitude.. Or, is it something different?

I’m traveling to Hyderabad this evening on a short official trip. My 2-day session is scheduled rather awkwardly, falling on Friday and Monday. And then, I would start back and reach here Tuesday morning. Thanks to this schedule I’ll have to get through an awkward weekend in Hyderabad!

Traveling across and spending the weekend alone in a city you don’t know anyone. There must be a better way to spend the weekend.

I took the What book are you quiz at Blue Pyramid. And this is what I got.
And I wonder what actually its trying to tell about me..

You're Jurassic Park!
by Michael Crichton

You combine all the elements of a mad scientist, a brash philosopher,
a humble researcher, and a money-hungry attracter of tourists. With all these features, you could build something monumental or get chased around by your own demons. Probably both, in fact. A movie based on your life would make millions, and spawn at least two sequels that wouldn't be very good. Be very careful around islands.

Travel from Bangalore to Ooty and back... Rs.600
Local sightseeing... Rs.500
Shopping and merriment... Rs. 500
An unforgettable weekend with friends... Priceless!

The past weekend was pretty damn amazing! Memorable to the core! Guys traveled across from Chennai, Bangalore and from other cities. We converged at Coimbatore and what followed was the time of my life. And yeah, the weather in Ooty was at its sexiest best!

It’s been 3 years since we completed college. And no one, I repeat, no one has changed even one bit. The same elements of wit, thoughts, feelings, passions, emotions, attitude, aspirations – nothing had changed. We had limitless fun and spent all of Saturday night talking about our college life, past, where life had been taking us, our hardships to get the stretch we have got and plans for the near and long future.

Post-college, each one had treaded their different paths. But no one had ever been out of touch with the other. Just goes on to reinforce that there is someone I could always count on. Keeping company between us in itself seemed to be helping us win half our battles in life. They are the primary source of my strength. And a lot of what I am today. The perpetual vent to let out my primitive passions and complicated emotions that huddle together in my mind like terrified wild beasts in the night.

I bathed myself in the rain of friendship. I want to be eternally soaked in its rampant stream. I need them to be around me. This inexhaustible source of my energy. This energy cannot be destroyed and neither can this source.

But, life has to move ahead for every one of us. Each one has his own responsibilities to be fulfilled, aspirations to be achieved. There would be times when one is not able to give enough time for his friends. Priorities begin taking roots. The late night bashes would be a thing of the past. At times, he can only watch helplessly as the vagaries of his life flush out all the wonderful time he spent with his friends. A rare meet, an occasional call and an eternal thought becomes his new way of partying with friends.

Today we have it all in us. Years later, we’ll continue to evolve, continue to go our own ways. All of us would be married. Have our families to look after. Responsibilities galore. We would no more be the free flowing, care free, laidback, all-this-world-is-ours kind of juvenile that we are today. But all the while, every beat deep down in our hearts, would continue to beat an equivocal percussion tuning the names of each of us. And that shall never cease. Atleast not until the heart stops its beats. We may not be together, but still remain together. Always.

Woods are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Prologue
The winds wave an aura of artistic fragrance
The clouds clasp the hush of a serene sky
The dusts settle in the slickness of sand
The beauty of blue is no more
What is, is the glamour of gray.

A thumping splash
its my heart
already pumping to rhythmic tunes
Her speck of kiss dripping down my cheek
Oh me! And my heart sinks!
One would not do.

My eyes tilt up
barely open
hardly seeing
Her smear on my cheek lit the eyes
Oh me! And my eyes sink!
Two eyes would not do.

The fragrance tickle my nostril
longing for a whiff of new air
breathless I am
Her scent sedating my mind
Oh me! And my breath sinks!
A perfume would not do.

The new air sings into my ears
playing drums to metrical tunes
music unheard of
Her hum is buoyant enough
Oh me! And I hear none other!
A buzz would not do.

And then
There is more scent livening my heart
There is more air cleansing my lung
There is more song rhyming my ears
There is more smear soaking my face.

My adulthood melts
the baby in me rises
I smile to her viles
her smear all over me
I feel like God.

Epilogue
The heavens have opened up
and she falls all over me as she never did
drenching me with her tender arrows
I lay, my eyes closed
dissolving myself
This is heaven on earth.

Over the past weekend I was reading Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps. That was a revelation of sorts. It did teach me a thing or two on the biggest mistake every man (oh yeah, me too) does – trying to offer solutions every time a woman tries to talk the hell out of her self to him.

I felt parents generally discourage daughters to involve with work predominantly considered male domain. When was the last time your bike was serviced by a female mechanic? But it all seems to be in the genes, according to the book.

Another interesting thing the book claims is, the male stimuli responds to objects, while the female to humans and that’s why male orientation is more towards status and power, while female orientation is more towards love and relationships. Women certainly seem more committed than men in a marital relation (or any relation). It’s easy to lose count of wives who endure an insensitive husband, but how many men really ever required to handle an inconsiderate wife. But yeah, she might be inconsiderate because “he” thinks so!

This happened some weeks back. I was at Innovative with R to watch Page 3. R happened to meet her colleague and his wife while we were waiting for the show. R asked the wife ‘which movie?’. The wife says ‘I don’t know, he brought me that’s it’. The guy was parking his bike and joined in and said he was there to watch Thirupachi. I told them it was not showing there, but at PVR. ‘So, switching to some other movie?’ asked R. The guy says ‘No.. we are going back.. bye’ and walks back to his bike closely pursued by his wife, who just had enough time to tell her bit of ‘bye’ to the husband’s colleague . The wife doesn’t even know what movie they came to see, but just sticks to the whims and fancies of her dear husband. And as for the guy, wonder if he was thinking his wife his personal robot!

It’s all in the gene alright! But don’t tell me you forced your wife into quitting job to sit at home cooking because she is not genetically tuned to work and because you are genetically tuned only to order her. Or you assume it’s the wife’s job to bother about your children because your genes says so. Or you least heed your wife’s interests and aspirations because you are genetically more tuned to think logically, and so it’s only you – the husband – who knows what is right!

It’s all in the gene alright! The man’s inherent need for status and power (read ‘ego’) and his biologically superior muscular prowess often tends to get him overboard with the so-called lowly creatures called women.

It’s all in the gene alright! But it’s all in the minds of men and women whether they choose to be adaptable to each other. The gene is only a blue print. A willingness to understand and a willingness to let go is what moulds the real image.

No!! Your eyes are not deceiving you. The looks have really changed!

I’ve been wanting to do this for long. And today I finally got into the groove. I skipped gym this evening and sat with this template, started playing around with its code and ended up with this. I moved the comments to haloscan and ended up losing all of my existing comments. Poor me!!

Does anyone know a way to hack something and retain my earlier comments also? Nevertheless the transition to haloscan was always on the cards for me. So need to live with all these stuff.

9.30AM. T1, T2 and B had assembled. Surprisingly punctual, despite the overnight rains affecting the traffic in Hosur road. Some guys from each team had a separate discussion with B to finalize on some stuff. While the rest of us started where we left. I took care of the techie stuff, while the analysts bought in their business minds.

10.15. The guys had come back with the finalized stuff. Thankfully not much of our already done work was wasted. Because we had not done anything, having got stuck between business needs and technical feasibility. The search for this holy grail will eternally be futile. And then the usual confusions, discussions, brainstorming, eyestorming, handstroming, wordstorming, heartstorming – all of this stuff went in top gear.

12.45. I was feeling hungry. I looked at my watch. I knew why. It was lunch time. And I announced thinking people had forgotten all about that (they all looked that way). And somebody told India made 356 and Dhoni scored a big hundred. WOW!! My mind already got transferred itself to Vizag. Wish I could see the match live.. wish atleast I could sit at my desk and read the live commentary in cricinfo.

1.30. No one bothered how the Pakistan openers were fairing. I was expecting Afridi to dash. No one bothered. The talk was to close everything by 4.30 as the guys from B had their flight at 8. So, we drilled down the scope and tried to show only those things we were confident would work.

4.30. People had started flocking in. T2 and B and few other people. I had to show the Demo and handle the technical stuff. The presentation and Demo was mediocre. T2 didn’t fare any better. So we felt happy, we were not the only ones struggling after all. B gave good points to both presentations. We scored a bit high on the technical side and T2 scored on better UI. B were smart enough and took both the packages in their laptops. No result. No prizes.

The two days were spent in intense dissemination of ideas and was too much challenging. But it remains as one of most unforgettable interlude working with experts from other big companies and the customer face-to-face!

The tempest came. And the tempest went.
God is in the heaven and all is well with this little one’s world.
From tomorrow, I’m back to my usual work.

9AM. I was seated in a conference room surrounded by delegates from T and M (two really biggie Indian companies) and our company guys, with a number of Miranda, Coke, Pepsi, their dieted versions, water bottles very aesthetically arranged across the oval table. Not to mention the projector and a big screen for the presentations. The delegates were fiddling with their laptops trying to find enough ports to connect their machines.

9.15AM. The delegates from B (the customer, a European biggie) were about to come in. The ice seemed too thick to be broken. The faces looked like they just got up after a fall into the coovam river. The silence was killing me. I finally opened to a guy “Hi, I’m Kishore, and you are from..” Surprisingly the ice broke in a jiffy. Each one started enquiring the other and soon all of us had spoken. Though I still don’t remember most of their names though.

9.40AM. The guys from B entered, with blazing blazers and their typical accents. There were 6 of them. I was particularly impressed with a plumpy guy who walked in with a nonchalant “Hey guys!” and gave out wide grin. I raised my hand to return his gesture. Heck, nobody saw me! And then no more time was to be wasted. We were into business.

10AM. We had to team up with the T and M guys. We split into 2 teams (T1, T2. I was in T1) each containing delegates from all the three companies.

It was actually a new generation IT methodology in action (and I can’t say more about that for IP reasons!!). The two teams had a mix of Business Analysts, architects and developers from both T, M and my company. We had to develop an understanding of B’s business need, analyse the requirements, prepare the data model, visualize the UI and come up with a prototype – all in a span of 2 days. 1.5 to be more precise! The 2 teams must work independent of each other. B would finally choose the better prototype as the base to proceed with their work.

10.30AM. And so, it began. Many rounds of brainstorming among us and with the guys from B. I sat down in translating the business into technical terms, while a guy already started with UI. I added some code, but left them at a template level. Operational work was left for tomorrow.

1.15PM. It was a wonderful lunch. Some very biggie guys had joined us. It was a privilege having an informal chat over lunch with people of such industrial caliber.

1.30PM. Back to business.

5.30PM. At the end of the day T1 and T2 presented our progress to B. T2 are a bit ahead of us.

Tomorrow morning, we have to finalize certain stuff with Team 2 and B. And then proceed independently with an operational prototype by evening. As I write this line, I'm feeling totally exhausted. But it was an amazing day today, filled with an unparalleled exchange of ideas.

May the best Team’s prototype be chosen! (And may that be my team!).

There is a customer visit today. And they needed a technical expert (read 'scapegoat') to be with them for their planned 2-day session. Guess who? And so, in the name of the lord and the holy see, I shall make it my solemn duty to give them company for today and tomorrow trying to figure who ends up a bigger joker.

I’ll let all you people know on Wednesday.

C forwards to AM, AN and Me: You can fool some people all the time, you can fool all people sometimes ; but you cannot fool all people all the time.
-Abraham Lincoln

Me (to all): But C alone can be fooled any time..

C: Wait till I fool u Sometime.. Eg: Kishore that girl asked for your Phone Number

AN: Give her my number too….

C: So u are admitting that 'I Fooled U'

Me: I’ll admit I’m a fool if u’ll give me treat in Leela palace…
Anything for a treat.. If u don’t give me treat then it means that I’m not a fool which implies u r a fool… If u give me treat in Leela palace then its obvious u r a great fool to spend so much on me… So either ways.. u r a fool..!!

C: Wrong logic… I am not a fool..So I won’t treat u…. U are a fool..So u treat me… (Concession for u…Even a treat at amul will do)

AM (finally opens up): please invite a sane person (read me) when u 2 fools figure out who is a fool..... I shall arbitrate in exchange of a treat

AN: please invite two sane persons (read me and AM) when u 2 fools figure out who is a fool..... I shall arbitrate in exchange of a treat

C: Only 2 fools can be under the impression that they are sane enough to judge people

Me: Fools are so foolish that they think they r sane.. Sane people are so sane that they know they are foolish..

God! Just remembered.. I got work to do! See all ya..